距離8月的婚禮越來近,我和M先生也開始忙著處理一些務實一點的問題(他很久沒出場了,但實際上我現在每星期也有起碼三個晚上會在他家裡睡, 而這篇文章, 也是坐在沙發上, 靠著他寫的…),這個星期我們都是忙著拿出世紙副本,到領使館簽文件什麼什麼的,我深信能夠在這麼麻煩的情況下都願意結婚的人,要麼是智力不正常,要麼大概應該是真愛了。

那一個晚上,我又繼續和M先生纏在沙發上,突然間,他好像若有所思似的,正經地跟我說:

‘well… later on, we are getting married…’

‘ Ya… I know…’

‘You know that in Europe, under civil partnership, if we divorce, you can take half of my wealth, or even pension.’ M先生說。

‘ Oh really?’ 我以為那只會出現在男女婚姻之中,畢竟我沒想過會跟他離婚。

‘ Yes, not only this, and you can success all my assets when I die.’ M先生再補充。

‘ But then, there are some clauses, some agreements that we can sign before our marriage…’ M先生給了我個很明確的暗示,既是如此,我也不需要他說出口,就打斷了他。

‘ To make sure that even if we are separated, I won’t take a penny from you. Let’s do it, I dun want our relationship to be complicated and I dun need your money if you dun love me anymore.’ 我搶回我的主導權 — 主動放棄。

‘ But please do not misunderstand that I will dump you or whatever, I will not let your life end up miserable even if we separated.’ M先生補充說。

‘ So… ‘ 我放下手中的巧克力,抬頭望著M先生,眼神凌厲猶如刺刀。

‘ So… Are you pitying me? I dun need your money or support if you dun love me anymore. And, man, let’s face it, all your promises are based on love. If you dun love me anymore, why you have to keep the promise?’ 親愛的,我不是當年十七歲的那個小伙子了,什麼「我們分了手,但仍舊只是換個角色,繼續守護你。」之類的廢話,對我這種外柔內剛的人,真的有意思嗎?而且,相信我,男人在給予最慷概的承諾時,就是分手的那一刻,因為反正沒有人會真正要求前任履行什麼承諾的,既然是明知不會兌現的支票,多寫幾個零又有什麼所謂?

‘ Well… I dun mean that…’ M先生試圖補充。

‘ Well… you dun mean that now, but later if we are done, you will meanly mean that, trust me, I know man, and I know you more than you know yourself.’ 世界上最悲哀的事情是,你了解並清楚那是什麼的一回事,而對方卻還是在那個伊甸園裡月雪風花。

‘ Anyway, one more clause, if you died earlier than me, all the money, and fixed assets belongs to your parents and I only take all your belongings includes your watch and your clothes.’ 我主動開出另一個條件,高姿態地放棄了他遺產的繼承權,隨了他的隨身物品外,我什麼都不要。

‘ ok.’ M先生如釋重負地一笑,或許他想不到我是這麼的爽快,也想不到我是這麼的容易讓步,畢竟,這並不符合我商人的性格。

‘ But…’ 這時候我拿起我的iPhone,給他看了個pdf報表。

‘ 12345678… 10,000,000!’ M先生數著那串長長的數字,不多不少,就是一千萬左右,他也忍不住叫了出來。

‘ This will be the total value of all my insurance, including life insurance and saving and investment insurance.’ 我沖他一笑。

‘ If you ever try to dump me, simply divorce with me, here, 10Million… I will spend that up to make sure you life become miserable.’ 我望著他的眼睛,堅定不移地逐隻逐隻字說出來。

‘ And you know when I am determined, there is no way you can escape. You have my promise.’ 說罷在他僵硬的笑面上吻了一下。

其實,天曉得呢?或許十多二十年後,是我厭倦了,是我提離婚也說不定,老實說,對比起我,M先生提離婚的機會並不高,畢竟他也不年輕了,過多十年後都老了,離個鳥麼?不過,我和他就是喜歡開這種有點恐怖又有點無聊的玩笑。